autism Helps

I feel like all alone now. I feel like I'm not normal. I feel very depressed. I had a hole-like scar in my forehead and I regularly hide it with my bangs whenever I go out especially in school. Since I was in first year college my hairstyle didn't change until one of my classmates teased me about my bangs. He found out that I had a scar on my forehead. Maybe he told some of our college friends (he is also my friend-- part of the group) that I had a scar that I am hiding long before. From that time, some of my close friends started teasing me (not actually teasing in words but an attempt to touch my hair and disarrange it-- something like that) and I feel very humiliated whenever they do it. Since from that moment, fears and worries triggered my mind and I felt very very down. I started self-pitying though I don't do it cause I'm a somewhat positive person. I'm very active and energetic to achieve competence since from the moment I entered college. But all went crashed in a sudden because of that particular instance. I cannot help myself and I started fantasizing things thinking solutions that are not real (like miracles-- silly, isn't it?) I usually hang out with my friends but it went over since from that moment. I do things on my own not like before. I am afraid to go to school. I always hide myself and felt threatened whenever there is someone (in school) who knows me sees me. I constantly evade them. I'm really out of the group and I felt rejected. I cry constantly and felt helpless. It seems that scar on my forehead brought much psychological and emotional storm on me though I thought it just a small problem. Because of that, it seems that I had already a social phobia and maybe anxiety disorder. I'm constantly depressed almost everyday. I felt really really helpless and it's ruining my life. Perhaps, I thought that there is no problem with my scar (I planned to have a surgery) but on my emotional and psychological aspect. I know I'm weak emotionally and I think there are so many disorders in my mind. My friend teases me that I had signs of autism but I don't my it. They just don't understand me. Please help me cause I'm afraid to go to school now. I'm alone, very lonely. advice or self-help books could help.

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